Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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