I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In other news, I just burned my penis
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
