I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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