youre lurking in front of me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
