Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
