I feel great
I just peed on a car
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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