At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
