dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize