overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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