return my video game
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
hell yes lets make some ravioli
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
