ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Your cock deserves a montage
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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