Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
