my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
