True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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