worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Come see our sink grown plant.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dick very happy bro
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
