It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
