fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
too bad you live with your parents still
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
