wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize