we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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