Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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