I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
