Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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