So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I have aggressive nipples.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
