so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize