i was born a porn star she said
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
