is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
