I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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