..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
