If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
