oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
