This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
