Moan for me like Helen Keller
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
