I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You were trust falling into bushes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
