Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
