apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
