How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
