I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
