dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
