She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
