So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dignity is for republicans.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
