I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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