She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
