I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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