Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
