Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
