If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
