Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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