so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
