Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think my moral compass just broke
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize