I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
