I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
