why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
