I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
