I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize