After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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