Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
