i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
