i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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