grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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