Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
