How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
