So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My bed smells like the plague
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
