my mouth tastes like poor choices
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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