mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
