he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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