first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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