That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
