Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
