He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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