I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
