What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
