Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
