She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
