Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Buhtt sex?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
