Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
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