she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
