I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
