I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
