i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
