That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
