i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
