I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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