i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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