Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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