when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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