By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
