Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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