I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
