Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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