Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
now i know why i became what i already was.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
