I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
