I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
