$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
