just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
